Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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