I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
