Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
