So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
