You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
