TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
