if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
