Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
there is puke in my bra ... again
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
