So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
