My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
