Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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