i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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