The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
