I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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