Taylor Swift is so right about you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
