i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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