Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize