my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
