A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have peed in a lot of sinks
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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