I will die if light touches me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
