you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
