Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
