I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
