The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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