i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
