I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
