do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
