Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
