You just made me feel so damn special
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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