don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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