drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
