I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
