who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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