I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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