ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize