So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have feelings that need drinking.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
