Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
