Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
