never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
