I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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