You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
