Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
