we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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