Too much gin, very little bucket
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
