Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
