omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
