Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
