Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I faked an abortion last night.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize