you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
