she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
