omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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