If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need a beard to bite.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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