Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
