dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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