Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
