somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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