hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
