I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
