I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it's like iHOP with fire
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
