Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
