I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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