How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
