therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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