kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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