New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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