Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
