There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
