He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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