the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
