I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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