I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
