I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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