That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
