His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize