alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
