There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
